My Experience

Throughout life you go through difficult times.  God promised us a life full of joy and happiness but also sorrowness and unexplained circumstances.  Right now in our lives we are going through rough times.  At first I laid down and cried my eyes out, screaming at God "why is this happening to me, to my family".  I heard no answer.  But then I went to church and heard a message so plain that it hurt so deeply.  I was letting fear overpower my ability to have faith.  That Sunday I came home broken.  All weekend my kids would come to me very often and would ask if I was doing ok, why are you crying but finally instead of telling them that I was fine, put on a fake smile and reassure them that I was ok.  FINALLY I was able to tell them I was fine and mean it, I was able to tell them that my tears were good tears because I finally understood that I couldn't hear God talking to me because my fear was blocking his voice. I am still dealing with anxiety of the phone ringing, I shake and I have a hard time getting through the day some days.  But my faith is renewed and I am seeking God more and more. 

Why am I going through these hard times and what is God trying to teach me?  Well I think I am to learn to lean more on him not on myself or my family but on the Lord himself.  Don't take my family for granted and be thankful for all that He has given to us.  It might not be exactly what I wanted but it is exactly what He wants for us.  Harry and I are so much closer due to these times.  I am taking every advantage I can to love on my children.  And my faith well yes that has grown so much more as well.  

I am trying to take my unfortunate circumstances and show my children to stand up for themselves.  I am trying to show them that when you are so weak that you can't do it on your own that the Lord will give you the strength that you need to do it.  I was crying in the kitchen one day and Ellaree so sweetly came up to me, put her hands on my cheeks, wiped the tears away and said to me "it is ok momma, God loves you".  She has such a soft heart.  God has made her so delicate and precious.  At that point I new that God was giving me the strength I needed through different avenues, one being my daughter.  She will remind me every once in a while about God loving me.  She says it isn't just for kids mom! And these are the moments that I bow down to the Lord and my faith is again renewed and I can go on. 

Our lives are getting a little better.  I could not write this all during the big storm.  It is just raining now and and hopefully the sun will shine again soon.  But for now I take refuge in knowing God is with me and gives me unconditional love, my faith is strong, my strength comes from God and my blessings are with me each and every day.  I have a complete & full life.  All our other wants are just wants but God has given me all my needs.